Jane Meredith’s Blog www.janemeredith.com

Last night in Byron Bay I saw the telescope man, just setting up for the night. He comes out and focuses his telescope on something of interest, then stands there for hours, showing passers-by and talking to them about the night sky. He has a cap on the ground, for donations.

Last night he offered me the rings of Saturn. It was full moon and I was surprised one could even see the rings of Saturn with it so bright in the sky, but he said even if the moon was practically next to Saturn, you could still see it with the telescope. So I had a look.

It was a brilliant, tiny cut-out of light - a piercing white disc with a line right across it - not horizontally, more like a cross-quarter cut. It was stunning. Having just come from the Tree of Life the night before, and radient discs filling my dreams the previous night - this was like actually looking at one of them. Not imaginary, not an image of any kind - but actually it. I could have stayed there for half an hour, easily.

Saturn was so beautiful, it stole my heart. And the Omer count was the Tiferet of Hod - easy to interpret as the absolute beauty conveyed to me by the precise technology of the telescope. Heart-opening indeed. It is still seared into my brain.

I only have one more day to spend in Gevurah, before moving on to Tiferet. As always, right at the end, I really appreciate the Sephira I’ve been working with for a month… although this one I have appreciated all the way through, as well.  I started off with clear images of Dark Goddesses - Kali, Ereshkigal, - powerful and avenging - and have ended up much more gently, perhaps with Persephone, where the changes are inevitable - ruthless, maybe, but absolutely within the pattern and with no exceptions made through necessity rather than caprice.

Gevurah seems to me both beautiful and ordered - it is the sephira I was most drawn to before I began this process and I feel I fit very well within it. During the month I have felt it strengthening me - adding backbone, maybe - as I dealt with people I was less afraid to be myself, less hidden. It was not to do with taking power, but rather with declaring my position… something I might tend to slide out of, otherwise… I’ve had a sense of the space I take up - I don’t mean the amount of space, but the exact (and necessary) shape of the space, and how it fits in with everyone else’s space.

I am expecting Tiferet to more-or-less blast all that to pieces.

I only felt I got any kind of grip on Chesed right at the end of my month with this sephiroth. I had felt welcomed there, initially, but then felt little connection with it - although I had intellectual responses of complexity, Kingship, the Blue Gods - both of Feri tradition and Shiva - and towards the end felt a strong linking with Gilgamesh - the struggle of the individual to carve some immortality for themselves. But moving into Gevurah I feel the contrast - in Gevurah I am thinking of bee-mind, cell-mind where the individual counts for very little, or just to do their job within the scheme of things. I feel much more held within the pattern - Chesed seemed very ‘out there’ and undefended.

I am also following the ‘49 days to mend the soul’ meditative practise - have just been through the Chesed week and the Gevurah week (which finished tonight at sundown - now I am embarked on the Tiferet week). During these two weeks I continually felt the need for a good balance between these two - (perhaps I’ll find it in Tiferet) - and am aware that I often invert Gevurah-type energies in more extreme ways than are useful. I think I spiral downwards into critique and discipline, at the expense of loving-kindness and generosity… especially towards myself!